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271 I was getting forgetful so I went to the neighbors and aske the husband what is the name of your mental doctor that you have been braging about.He aske me what flower has a long steam with thorns.I said a rose.He said thank you,thank you,hey Rose what is the name of my memory doctor.

272 Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

273 I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

274 A man ran into the house breathless and he said to his wife, "Honey, you should be so proud of me, I just saved $1.50 by not taking the bus, but I chased it all the way home­‐ The wife replied, "You want a medal for that?­‐You should have chased a cab and saved yourself 15!

275 A duck walks into a pharmacy. He says, "I'd like a chapstick." The pharmacist hands him the chapstick and asks, "will that be cash or charge?" The duck replies, "just put it on my bill."

276 There are two fish in a tank. The first fish says to the second fish: "How the hell do we drive this thing?"

277 Helicopters can't really fly ­‐ they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

278 whats brown and sticky? a stick

279 Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

280 Did you hear about the maniac riding on the subways chopping peoples arms off? The police caught him and charged him with armed robbery!

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